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B8982 Bugbee's Popular Plays 

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The Coonville 
'Ri^ocrat Club 



BY 



WILLIS N. BUGBEE 



Price 25 Cents 



myi^yiyjOMKiBiBs^iByjiB 



The Willis N. Bugbee Co. 

SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



Bugbee's Popular Plays 

The Coonville 

'Ristocrat Club 



A NEGRO ENTERTAINMENT IN ONE ACT 

BY 

WILLIS N. BUGBEE 

Author of "Uncle Ephraim's Summer Boarders,'^ 
''The Rustic Minstrel Show,^^ "Jolly Dialogues, ^^ 
Closing Day at Beanville School,^ ^ "Uncle Si and the 
Sunbeam Club,'^ etc., etc. 



Copyright 1916, by Willis N. Bugbee 

OCT -4l9!6 

The Willis N. Bugbee Co. 

SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



The Coonville ^Ristocrat Club q^ ^ 

Characters . ^ 

Rev. Bleacher Ward Jenkins President of the Club, 

'Rastus Bonypart Johnson The Host. 

Moses Abraham Highbrow Treasurer of the Club. 
Sampson Ulyssus Beanpod In love with Miss Boggs, 
Julius Caesar Blinkers In love with Georgianna. 

Mr. Ephraim Ebenezer Blueblood 

A very Prominent Member, 

Mrs. Susanna Priscilla Blueblood 

Mr. Blueblood's Wife. 

Miss Louisiana Bumps Secretary of the Club. 

Miss Carolina Lucretia Boggs A Suffragette. 

Mrs. Mandy Johnson The Hostess. 

Miss Georgianna Liza Hokdins A Younger Member. 

Mrs. George Washington Jones Very Stylish. 

Four Pickaninnies, if desired. 

Time: Saturaday night at the weekly meeting of 
the club. 

Place : Home of Rastus and Mandy Johnson. 
Time of Playing : One hour or longer. 

Costumes 

The Rev. Jenkins wears a long, black, clerical coat, 
rather seedy, and old-fashioned standing collar. Ras- 
tus and Mandy wear shabby clothing at first, and 
change later to coarse ''dress up" costumes. Mrs. 
George Washington Jones makes a ludicrous at- • 
tempt to put on style, both in dress and manners. 
Miss Boggs wears coat, odd standing collar and tie, 
appearing quite masculine. All others wear odd ill- 
fitting or mock-aristocratic costumes. 



©GI.D 45G56 TMP92-008723 



The Coonville 'Ristocrat Club 

Scene: A living room in the Johnson home. A 
wood-box is at one side; a large bread tin stands on a 
soap box in one corner; and a number of dilapidated 
chairs are scattered about the room. A few gayly 
colored chromos decorate the wall. 

{Enter Mandy, l.) 

Mandy. Dar now, I'se done got all dem chilluns 
tucked up fo' de night an' I hopes to grashus dey don't 
resurrect demselves fo' mo'nin'. Dey's de bigges' 
pester-heels I ebber seed. Now I'se gotter slick up 
dis heah room an' change my dress an' get ready fo' 
dat 'Ristocrat Club wat am gwinter meet heah dis 
ebenin'. It am a gweat honah fo' to hab de 'Ristocrat 
Club meet at dis house an' consequently dar fo' I'se 
gotter get ebryting ready fo' to fit de 'casion. I 
I wondah whar dat good-fo'-nuffin lazybones ob a 
Rastus hab gone to now. {Goes to R. and calls.) 
Rastus! Rastus Johnson! 'Spects likely he's gonter 
sleep some whar but I'll jes' hab to bust up de peace- 
ful tranquility ob his slumbers. {Calls very loudly.) 
Hi dar, Rastus Bonypart Johnson! If yo' doan make 
yo' 'pearance heah fo' long I'se a comin' whar ebber 
yo' is wif a hoss whip. {Lower) Reckon dat'll fotch 
him suah nuff. 

{Enter Rastus, r.) 

Rastus. Was yo' a caHin', Mandy? 

Mandy. Was I a caUin'? I guess yo'll tink I'se 
a callin' if yo' doan hustle yo' pegs an' fill dat ar 
wood-box. 



4 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

Rastus {shuffling off.) Yas, um, dat's 'zactly wat 
I'se agwinter do. Jes' gimme time, Mandy, jes' 
gimme time. 

Mandy. How much time does yo' want I wondah? 
Yo's been at it mos' an hour an' dar ain't nuffin' to 
show fo' it yet. {Shaking finger at him.) An' look 
yere, Rastus Johnson — 

Rastus. Yas um, I'se a lookin'. 

Mandy. Yo' know dat high-tone 'Ristocrat S'ciety 
is gwinter be heah fo' long an' yo' bettah get dem ol' 
oberalls off fo' dey gets heah. 

Rastus, I spects dey'll all be dressed right up to 
de berry top-notch lak dat Miss Gawge Washington 
Jones. Golly, if she doan put on de mostes' style ob 
any female woman I ebber seed. 

Mandy. Well, dey'll all hab dere Sunday-go- to- 
meetin' clothes on, dat's suah nuff , so yo' bettah hustle 
along an' get dat wood an' den get into yo' bes' duds 
quick as ebber yo' can. 

Rastus. Yas um, I'se agwine right away. {Goes 
off singing or whistling some old darkey song.) 

Mandy. Now I'll finish sHckin' up dis room fus' 
ting. {Proceeds to sweeping and straightening things 
about.) I wouldn't no mo' dast to leab a speck ob 
dirt layin, roun' wid dem 'Ristocrat ladies a-comin' 
dan I would 'tempt to fly across de 'Lantic Ocean. 
Dey would tell it all ober town dat I was de mos' 
shifless, orneres' housekeeper in Coonville. 



THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 5 

{Enter Rastus, whistling. He stumbles in doorway 
and falls f scattering wood about the floor.) 

Mandy. My goodness grashus me! Wat ebber 
happen to yo'? Wat kin' ob a circus trick does yo' 
call dat anyway? 

Rastus {groaning) Oh my laig! My laig! I'se 
done kilt suah! 

Mandy. An' yo'se done gone an' got my flo' all 
dirt agin wot I got all cleaned up fo' de grandees. 
Kain't yo' splain to me wat's de mattah? 

Rastus. Golly, I dunno myself. Jes' as I stepped 
into de do' wif dat armful ob wood, my foot slipped 
right out from undah me, an' my goodness! I betcha 
anyting de hide am all gone from my shin bone. 

Mandy. Well nebber min', wat's gone's gone an 
kain't be helped. We ain't got no time fo' foolin'. 
De 'Ristocrats am spected to be heah at eight o'clock 
an' it am fibe minutes ob de time now. Hustle dat 
wood into de box an' den change yo' clothes quicker'n 
scat. 

{Rastus arises slowly and puts wood into box, then 
limps off stage, r.) 

Mandy {calling after him.) Yo'll fin' yo' bes' 
clothes all laid out on de bed waitin', {to herself) Dar 
now, I reckon dat's done. Now I'll get myself ready 
to recebe de guests. 

{She removes turban and fixes hair, meanwhile Rastus 
is singing a coon song off stage.) 

Mandy. Rastus Johnson, if yo' goes an' wakes up 
dem chilluns, I'll gib yo' sumpin yo' doesn't want. 



6 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

Rastus {entering). De chilluns am all right. Dey 
is in de ^^Lan' ob Nod," but I dunno whar in Sam 
Hill dem bestes' shoes ob mine is gone. 

Mandy. Dey's right whar yo' left 'em las' Sunday 
aftah meetin'. Is yo' blin'? 

Rastus. No sah, I isn't blin' but I kain't fin' dem 
shoes roun' nowhar. 

Mandy. Fo' de Ian' sakes! Kain't yo' see 'em 
right dar on de bread box 'mos' undah yo's nose? 

Rastus. Golly, dat's so! I'se been lookin' all 
ober fo' 'em. 

Mandy. Now I'se gwinter change my dress, an' if 
dem 'Ristocrats come yo' jes' gotter 'scort 'em into de 
house an' entertain 'em till I gets froo. Does yo' 
heah? 

Rastus. Yas um, I'll do my bes' but I hopes dey'll 
wait till I gets my shoes on. {Whistles or hums por- 
tion of tune as he puts on shoes. Sound of voices out- 
side.) Hi, golly! Heah dey comes now. Hustle an' 
get yo' duds on, Mandy, de Rusty cats am a comin'! 
{A knock is heard. Rastus goes to door with one shoe 
on.) {Enter Elder Jenkins, Mrs. Jones and Mr. 
and Mrs. Blueblood r.) 

Rastus. Come right in, ebrybody, an' make yo'- 
selves to hum. 

Several. Howdy do, Rastus I Howdy Mr. Johnson. 

Elder J. Good ebenin', Brudder Johnson. I'se 
glad to see yo' feelin' so well tonight. 



THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 7 

Rastus. I 'clare to goodness if heah ain't Elder 
Jenkins. I'se mighty pleased to see yo' heah. 

Elder J. Yes, we am de fust arribals. De 
odders'll be 'long bime-bye. 

Rastus. Well, jes' he'p yo'selves to cheers if yo' 
can find 'em, an' make yo'selves as oncomfortable as 
yo' can. 

Mr. Jones. Whar's yo' wife, Mistah Johnson? 

Several. Yas, whar's Mandy? 

Rastus. I reckon she done be heah purty soon. 
She am a changin' her dress an' puttin on de powdah 
an' de paint an' sich like. 

Mandy (putting head in at door.) Rastus Johnson, 
yo' knows bettah'n dat, I done put de powdah on my 
face be fo' hand. 

(Enter Mandy) 

All. Why, howdy do. Mis' Johnson! HowdjM 
(Rastus proceeds to put on his other shoe.) 

Elder J. (shaking hands.) Dis am a gweat pleas- 
ure, Sistah Johnson. 

Mandy. I'se powahful glad to see yo' all heah dis 
ebenin, — Elder Jenkins and Mistah Blueblood an' de 
ladies. (Others shake hands.) I hopes de members'll 
all turn out good. 

Mrs. Jones. I reckon dey'U be heah, Mis' John- 
son, kase dey's a comin' down de road dis berry min- 
ute. (Sound of singing outside.) 

Rastus. An' heah dey all am. (Goes to door, r.) 
Come right in. Doan be bashful. 



8 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

(Enter Mr. Highbrow, Mr. Beanpod, Mr. Blink- 
ers, Miss Hodkins and Miss Bumps.) 

Several. Hov^dy Rastus! Howdy Mandy! 
Heah we am! 

(Mr. Highbrow stumbles and falls on hands and 
knees just as he steps in the door.) 

Miss H. Well, fo' de Ian' sakes! Is yo' a comin' 
in head fust? 

Mr. H. I 'clare to grashus! My feet done shot 
out from iindah me lak dey war shot out ob a cannon. 

Elder. I wondah if Brudder Highbrow hab been 
imbibin' too freely from de bowl dat cheers. 

Mr. Bean. No, sah, I doan tink so kase I'se been 
wid him all de time. 

Mr. Blue. Den mebbe he's done got wheels in 
de head. 

Mr. Blinkers. Mo' likely dey was in his laigs. 

Mr. High. Look! (Holds up banana peeling,) 
Heah am de cause ob de disastrophe — dis yere banana 
peelin'. 

Elder. Den dat extradites Brudder Highbrow 
from all blame. Anybody wat rastles wid a banana 
peelin' am likely to get de wust of it. 

Rastus. I betcha dot's wat scraped de hide off'n 
my shin bones. 

Mrs. Blue. It suttingly am a mos' auspicious 
place fo' banana peelins'. 



THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 9 

Mandy. I reckon 'twas de doin's ob dose pesky 
Chilians. I'll done lay de slipper on 'em de fust ting 
in de mav/nin', see if I don't. 

Elder. Dat's right, Sistah Johnson, as de proverb 
says, ''Spar de slipper an' spile de chilluns." 

Mr. Blue. I say if we's all heah, hadn't we bettah 
begin de meetin' ob de club? 

Mr. Bean. Dot's wat I say. I'se got some 'port- 
ant bizness to 'tend to soon's dis meetin's ober. 

(Elder Jenkins steps to rear center.) 

Elder. Bery well. As pres'dent ob de Coonville 
'Ristocrat Club it am my painful duty to call you to 
ordah. Ladies an' gemmans, yo' will please fin' cheers 
an' if yo' kain't fin' cheers why — er — dar's lots wusser 
places to set on dan de flo'. {All look for chairs and 
finally get themselves arranged in semi-circular position.) 

Elder. Dar now, if 3^0' all is arranged we will be- 
gin de meetin' by singin' — {Any appropriate negro 
song may he sung.) Our mos' worthy secretary, Miss 
Louisiana Bumps will now call de roll ob de member- 
ship. Everybody please answer up good an' loud kase 
yo' know dar's a fine if yo' is marked absent. 

Miss Bumps {rises and reads names from book.) De 
fust name on de roll am our worthy president, de 
Rev. Bleacher Ward Jenkins. 

Elder. I am pleased to state dat I am present. 
Miss Bumps. Nex' am Mr. an' Mrs. Ephraim 
Ebenezer Blueblood. 



10 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

Mr. Blue. We is bof ob us heah. 

Miss Bumps. Mr. an' Mrs. Gawge Washington 
Jones. 

Mrs. Jones. I am heah but my oV man am done 
laid up wid de rheumatism an' couldn't come. 

Elder. We am bery sorry fo' Brudder Jones but 
'cordin' to de rules, he will hab to pay a fine ob ten 
cents to de treasurer, Mistah Highbrow, befo' de nex' 
meetin'. 

Miss Bumps. Nex' am Mistah Julius Caesar 
Blinkers. 

Julius. Dat's me. 

Miss Bumps. Moses Abraham Highbrow. 

Moses. Reckon I'se heah. 

Miss Bumps. Miss Georgianna Liza Hodkins. 

Miss H. Yessum, I'se present. 

Miss Bumps. Mistah Sampson Ulyssus Beanpod. 

Mr. Bean. Heah. 

Miss Bumps. Abe Linkum Brown. (No response.) 
Mistah Abe Linkum Brown. 

Julius. Mistah Brown went ober to Pokumville 
to-night fo' to see his bes' gal. 

Elder. Dat bein' de case we'll hab to fine Brudder 
Brown twenty-fibe cents fo' non'tendance at dis meetin'. 

Miss Bumps. Mr. Rastus Bonypart Johnson an' 
Mandy Johnson. 

Mandy. I spect we'se bof heah. 

Rastus. 'Ceptin' a part ob my shin. 



THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 11 

Mandy. Hush, Rastus Johnson. Wat does dey 
care 'bout yo' shins. 

Miss Bumps. An' de nex' am myself. 

Mrs. Jones. Doan fo'get to put it down, Miss 
Louisiana, or dey'll fine yo' sholy. 

Elder (rising). I jes' wanter say right hyah dat 
de money wat we gets from de fines am a gwineter be 
used fo' de puppos ob a gran' chicken dinnah at de 
home ob Mr. an' Mrs. Blueblood nex' Tuesday ebenin'. 

Mr. Blue. An' yo'se all invited to attend. 

Miss Hod. Bress de Lawd, we'll all be dar. 

Mr. Bean. Dat's right an' dar won't be no fines 
to pay needer. 

Julius. Mistah Pres'dent, I jes' wants to ax how 
much money dar is in de treasury, kase dat thirty-fibe 
cents fine money wouldn't more'n pay fo' de chicken's 
gizzard. 

Elder. De treasurer will now gib a repo't ob de 
finance'bilities ob de s'ciety. 

Mr. High. Mistah Pres'dent, dar am jes fohty- 
seben cents in de treasury. 

Julius. Den I'd lak to know whar de money am 
a comin' from. 

Elder. Don't worry. As de ol' proverb says, 
''Nebber try to cross de bridge befo' yo' get to it." 
I reckon we'll find de chickens all ready cooked an' 
plenty ob 'em when we gets dar nex' Tuesday ebenin'. 
Is dar any odder bizness to come befo' de meetin'? 

Mr. Bean (rising). Mistah Pres'dent, I wishes to 
denounce a canderdate fo' admission to de ranks ob 



12 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

dis s'ciety. 

Elder. Will Mistah Beanpod please to name de 
canderdate? 

Mr. Bean. Yes sah, it am a pusson yo' is all 
acquainted wif, an' one who is held in de highes' es- 
teem in de neighborhood. 

Elder. Dat am jes' de kin' ob pussons we want 
fo' memberships in dis yere club. 

Mr. Bean. Furdermo' dis canderdate would be an 
ornament to de s'ciety. 

Elder. 'Tain't so much de ornaments we needs 
as de ones wat am willin' to help cook de chicken 
dinners an' took part in de lit'rary portions ob de 
s'ciety an' sech lak an' so forth. 

Mr. Bean. I reckon she — dat is my canderdate 
am equal to de 'casions. 

Mr. High. I make a motion dat Mistah Beanpod 
be requested to gib de name ob de canderdate 'stead 
ob beatin' round de bush. 

Julius. I second de motion. 

Elder. Mistah Beanpod, yo' heah de motion dat 
hab been made an' seconded dat yo' be requested to 
gib de name er de canderdate. We is now waitin' to 
heah de same. 

Mr. Bean. Yes sah, dat's jes' wat I'se a-comin' 
to. It am Miss Carolin' Lucretia Boggs. 

Mrs. Blue. Dat's jes' who I spected 'twas all 
'long. 

Elder. Yo' hab all heard de name ob de cander- 
date fo' 'lection to dis s'ciety — Miss Carolin' Lucretia 



THE COONVILLE ARISTOCRAT CLUB 13 

Boggs. All in favor of it say ^'aye." 

All. Aye. 

Elder. Does any one deject, (no response) As 
dar am no dejection, Miss Boggs am duly elected a 
membah ob dis s'ciety. Does she wish to atten' the 
meetin' dis ebenin'? 

Mr. Bean. Yes sah, I tink she do. 

Elder. Is Miss Boggs aware ob de fac' dat she 
mus' pay twenty-fibe cents fo' de priv'lege ob jinin'? 

Mr. Bean. Yes sah, I tink she am. 

Elder. An' is she also aware ob de fac' dat ebry 
new membah am expected to do sumpin' fo' de edifi- 
cation ob de club? 

Mr. Bean. Yes sah, she am aware ob de fac'. 

Elder. Den I appoint Mistah Beanpod as a com- 
mittee ob one to escort Miss Boggs to dis meetin'. 
(Mr. Beanpod takes hat and hurries off l.) 

Rastus. Golly, if he ain't no quicker'n he is wid 
his sparkin' dey won't nebber get heah. He's been 
a-co'tin' dat gal fo' mos' fohteen yeahs. 

Mr. High. Dat's nuffin. I heard ob a man dat 
co'ted a gal fo' twenty-seben yeahs an' 

Mrs. Jones. Did dey get married? 

Mr. High. No sah. She sued him fo' britches ob 
promise an' got fohty dollars damages. 

Mr. Blue. Fohty dollars? 

Mr. High. Yes sah. She said dat was more'n 
she could make a marryin' ob him. 

Julius. Wull, I heard ob a man dat co'ted a gal 
fo' sixty-seben yeahs an' 



14 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

Miss Hod. An' did dey get married? 

Julius. No sah, dey 's still co' tin.' Hekain'tget 
money nuff ahead to pay fo' de license. 

Elder. I jes' wanter ax yo' folks while we is 
waitin' if yo' knows ob any odder people wat am qual- 
ificated to jine dis s'ciety. We is on de look out fo' 
new membahs. Dey mus' be pussons ob good standin' 
in de neighborhood an' b'long to de upper crust. 

Mr. Blue. Mistah Pres'dent, I reckon I knows 
ob a young man dat would make a fust class membah 
fo' de club. 

Elder. Proceed wid de name. 

Mr. Blue. His name am Mistah Augustus Alex- 
ander Squashseed. 

Mrs. Jones. Wat? Dat ol' Gustus Squashseed? 
Why, I wouldn't vote fo' him if he was my own sistah. 

Mr. Blue. Kase why, Mis' Jones? 

Mrs. Jones. Kase he's jes' a low-down ornery 
nigger wat nebber tells de truf, dat's why. 

Mr. Blue. Nebber tells de truf? Wat does yo' 
mean? 

Mrs. Jones. Jes' wat I says. Didn't he borrow 
my husband's false teeth las' summer to go to a pahty 
an' agreed to bring 'em back de nex' day an' we ain't 
nebber seed 'em sence. 

Elder. Dat suttinly disqualificates him fo' 
membahship in dis s'ciety. 

Mr. High. Mistah Pres'dent, I knows ob a gen- 
man ob property dat would be an honah to de club. 

Elder. Who am de gemman, Brudder Highbrow? 



THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 15 

Mr. High. It am Mistah Peter Ashley Pinkeye. 
His fader died las' yeah an' lef him a legacy ob a 
hundred an' fohty-fibe dollars. 

Several. A hundred an' fohty-fibe dollars? 

Elder. I lows yo' is right, Brudder Highbrow. 
He would be a gweat honah to de s'ciety an'I trust 3^0' 
will use yo' influence to conjuce him to jine. 

Rastus. Heah is Mistah Beanpod an' Miss Boggs 
a-comin'. 

Elder. Den let us all rise up an' gib de s'lute to 
de new membah. 

{Enter Mr. Beanpod aiid Miss Boggs, r. All 
take handkerchiefs of various sizes and colors, and wave 
as they enter.) 

All. Welcome, welcome, Miss Boggs! Welcome 
to de 'Ristocrat Club! 

Elder. Miss Boggs, we is mightily pleased to re- 
ceive yo' as a membah ob dis honorable s'ciety. 

Miss Boggs. An' I assuahs yo' all dat I recipro- 
cates de feelin's. 

Elder. An' lemme say right heah dat yo' is ob- 
ligated to Brudder Beanpod fo' de honah ob dis 'casion. 
But befo' we go any furder I mus' request dat yo' 
pay de tax ob twenty-fibe cents to our treasurer, Mr. 
Flighbrow. I 'spects yo'se got de money wif yo'? 

Miss Boggs. Ob co'se I'se got de money. I'se 
got it in my bank. 

Elder. In de bank? Dat am no place fo' money 
when yo'se bein' 'nitiated into s'ciety. Whar am de 
bank? 



16 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

Miss Boggs. I — I — Mistah Pres'dent, I dasen't 
tell whar de bank am. 

Elder. Dasn't tell? I reckon 'tain't a bery large 
bank if yo'se so 'fraid to tell whar it am. 

Miss Boggs. Yes sah, it am a bery large one. 

Mr. High. Den wh}^ is she 'fraid to tell it, I lak 
to know. 

Miss Boggs. If yo'se boun' to know den I s'pose 
I'll hab to tell yo', dat is I'll tell de pres'dent confi- 
dentially. (Whispers in the Elder's ear.) 

Elder. Um — m. Dat bein' de case, Miss Boggs, 
yo' will proceed to de ante room — I mean de bedroom 
— an' remove de quahter from yo' stock — I mean from 
de bank. (Exit Miss Boggs, l.) 

Miss Hod. Lawdy sakes! Cotch me akeepin' my 
money whar I hab to undress ebry time I v/ants to 
use a quahter. 

Rastus. Lak ernufi she ain't got no quahter. 

Mr. Bean. Yes sah, she hab kase didn't I gib it 
to her las' night — de bery same quahter I got fo' 
white^vashin' Squire Prouty's chicken coop. 

Mr. Blue. Did yo' see any likeW-lookin' chickens 
up dar, Mr. Beanpod? 

Mr. Bean. I wouldn't mention it if I did. I'se 
got my eye on dem chickens, myself. 
(Enter Miss Boggs). 

Miss Boggs. Well, heah am de money. (Hands 
it to Mr. Highbrow.) I had de awfuUes' time a 
gettin' it yo' ebber seed. 

Elder. Yo' will please examine de coin, Brudder 



THE COONVILLE 'RiSTOCRAT CLUB 17 

Highbrov/, an' see dat it am not spuryus. 

Mk. High. Yes sah, I'se done so. It am a gen- 
ooine coin ob de realm. 

Elder. Den de canderdate am ready fo' de 'nit- 
iation. 

Miss Boggs. De 'nitiation? Wat am dat? 

Elder. Why, doan yo' know? Ebry new member 
am expected to explaterate befo' de society ''fo' de 
good ob de ordah." 

Miss Boggs. Oh, yes sah, yes sah, I^se done ready. 
I'll expostulate mos' any time. I'll expostulate on 
de rights ob wimmen. 

Mr. Blue. Golly, she needn't do dat. De wim- 
men folks takes too many rights already. 

Rastus. Dat's jes' wat I say. My ol' woman 
she 

Mandy. Jes' keep yo' mouf shut, Rastus Johnson, 
if yo' knows wat's good fo' yo' complexion. 

Miss Boggs. Dat's right Mis' Johnson, Wimmen 
has got to stand up fo' dere rights ebry time if dey 
has any 'tall. 

Mrs. Jones. I make de motion dat we proceed at 
once to de ''good ob de ordah" an' let Miss Boggs do 
her explateratin.' 

Miss Bumps. I second de motion. 

Elder. Yo' all heard de motion dat we proceed 
to de ''good ob de ordah." Is yo' all favorable? 

Several. Yes, yes! 

Elder. Den we w^ill now lis'n to Miss Boggs. 

Miss Boggs. (rising). 



18 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

Ladies an' Gemmans: It should orter be de priv- 
lege ob ebry female woman in dese United States to 
enjoy de rights ob free an' equal sufferage wif de men 
folks, an' to put dere ballots in de ballot box on de 
day ob de election. Now yo' all knows dat ebry ol' 
clod hopper ob a man wat don't know beans when de 
bag's untied an' has fo'teen patches on de seat ob his 
trouserloons hab de priv'lege ob votin'. Den wat 
am de mattah wif de wimmen folks votin' I lak to 
know? Heah am a few questions I wants to ax yo' : 

Hain't de wimmen folks jes' as smaht or smahter 
dan de men folks? 

Hain't de wimmen folks jes' as well behabed as de 
men folks? 

Hain't de wimmen folks jes' as good lookin' as de 
men folks? 

Hain't de wimmen folks got jes' as good clothes to 
weah as de men folks? 

Answer me dem questions. Yo' know dey's bettah 
dan de men folks only yo' jes' won't own up to it. 
Den wat's de mattah wif de wimmen folks votin' I 
lak to know? {pause). Dar doan 'pear to be no 
answer. I tells yo' wat's de mattah wif de wimmen 
folks. Dey hain't got spunk ernuff. If dey'd all go 
on er strike an' stop scrubbin' de flo's an' washin' de 
clothes an' bakin' de pannycakes an' — 

Mr. High. Oh golly! Doan stop bakin' de panny- 
cakes! 

Julius. No, doan stop bakin' de pannycakes wat 
eber yo' do. 



I 



THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 19 

Miss Boggs. Den wat will yo' men folks do 'bout 
it? 

Mr. High. We'll gib yo' de vote suah. 

All The Men. Yes, yes, we'll gib yo' de vote. 

Miss Boggs. Dar now, wat did I tole yo'. If we 
jes' stop bakin' de pannycakes fo' awhile dey'll come 
crawlm' round on dere hands an' knees to gub us de 
vote. Yes sah dat's wat's de mattah wif de wimmen 
folks— dey hain't got de spunk. Now heah am a 
little poem wat I done writ on de subject an' wen I'se 
done areadin' ob it, if Mr. Beanpod will jine wif me, 
we'll sing yo' a little song. I'll now read de poem. 
(Reads from paper.) 

When wimmen gets de right to vote 

Dey'll change dis ol' world some; 
De politicianers, I bet, 

Will look mos' awful glum. 
An' sho's yo' bo'n we'se gwinter seize 

De reins ob gubernment, 
Wif lady gubners ebrywhar 

An' a lady president. 

De ladies all should hab de vote. 

No pusson can deny, 
Dat time am comin' sho's yo're bo'n, 

It am comin' by-an'-bye, 
Kase if it don't dey's gwinter strike 

Den wat a time dar '11 be; 
We'll all jine in to win dat vote — 

Hurrah fo' de jubilee. 



20 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

De men folks bettah fall in line 

An' 'Votes fo' wimmen" shout, 
Kase de wimmen folks am gwinter strike 

If de men folks doan watch out. 
Dey's sholy got dere dander up 

An' is gwinter see it froo, 
An' dar ain't no tellin' in sech a case JfflL, 

Wat wimmen folks will do. '^M I 

(Mr. Beanpod arises and both join in singing some 
good negro song. Applause follows.) 

Elder. Miss Boggs' argyments am suttinly bery , 

convincin' an' I tink we is all willin' to he'p de ladies 1 1 
get de right to vote. 

Julius. Dat argyment makes me tink ob m}'' ol' ,^^ 
Aunt Dinah an' Uncle Ebenezer. sl 

Mrs. Blue. Is yo' Aunt Dinah a sufferyet? 
Julius. No mum, she ain't nebber suffered bery 
much yet. 

Mrs. Blue. Dat am not wat I mean. I mean 
does she want to vote? 

Julius. I doan tink she care nuffin' 'bout votin'. 
Mrs. Blue. Well den, wat am de trubble wif yo' 
Aunt Dinah? 

Julius. 'Tain't my Aunt Dinah. It am my 
Uncle Ebenezer. He's de mos' stubbornes' man I 
ebber seed in my life. 

Mr. Bean. How's dat, Julius? 
Julius. Well, yo' see, one time he jes' got so he 
wouldn't work. Wouldn't do de chores, wouldn't hoe 
de co'n, wouldn't pick de tater bugs, wouldn't do 
nuffin' but jes' set loafin' roun' all day. 



THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 21 

Mr. Bean. iVn' what did yo' Aunt Dinah do? 

Julius. Well, fust she tried moral 'suasion, den 
she tried hosswhippin/ but dey wouldn't needer one 
do any g;ood. 

Mr. Bean. Wat den? 

Julius. Den she shut him up in de hen house an' 
kep' him dar fo' free days. 

Miss Hod. Free days in de hen house wif nuffin' 
to eat? 

Julius. Dat's a fac'. Not a smitch to eat 'ceptin' 
some col' water. Den aftah free days she cooked up 
de bigges' kin' ob dinner wif chicken an' biscuit an' 
nice mealy potatoes an' graby an' a big juicy water- 
melon (several say "um! uvi"!) an' she put 'em jes 
outside de do whar he couldn't reach 'em an' kep' 'em 
dar mos' all day. 

Several. Wheel Dat suah was tough. 

Julius. Yes sah. Den he began to beg an' den 
to whine an' finally she done make him promise dat 
he'd go to work or do anything she wanted him to if 
she'd only let him get hoi' ob dat dinner. 

Mr. High. An' ob co'se she didn't refuse? 

Julius. Well sah, if you'd a seen him pitch into 
dem vittles yo'd jes' wondah whar he could put 'em 
all. An' dat was de reconstructification ob my Uncle 
Ebenezer. An' I reckon mebbe dat's de way wif de 
wimmem folks votin'. 

Mrs. Jones. Miss Boggs' idee am de right one 
an' I tink we orter be proud ob de fac' dat we hab 
sech an accomplished pusson in our s'ciety. 

Several. Dat,s right, Mis' Jones, we suah had. 



22 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

Elder. De nex' on de program will be a selection 
by de Coonville Male Quartet. 

(Mr. Blueblood, Mr. Blinkers, Mr. Highbrow 
and Elder Jenkins stand and sing any good negro 
quartet. Others may applaud,) 

Rastus. Golly, wat yo' tink ob dat, Mandy? If 
we could chirp like dat we'd go on de stage, dat's wat 
we would. 

Mandy. Go 'long, Rastus Johnson, didn't we go 
on de stage las' summer ober to Pokumville an' we 
didn't sing needer. 

Rastus. Shucks! Dat ain't de kind ob stage I'se 
talkin' about. It's de grand operatum I'se alludin' to. 

Miss Bumps. 'Taint ebry town ob dis size dat can 
beat de Coonville Male Quartet. 

Mrs. Jones. 'Taint many quartets anywhar dat 
can beat 'em fo' dat mattah. 

Mr. High. 'Ceptin' de female quartet ob dis same 
town. Say, dat's about de nex' ting on de program 
ain't it, Mistah Pres'dent? 

Elder. Yes sah, de bery nex' ting am a selection 
by de Coonville Female Quartet. 

(Mrs. Blueblood, Mr. Jones, Miss Bumps and 
HoDKiNS stand and sing any good plantation song. 
Others may applaud.) 

Mr. High. Dar! Didn't I tole yo' de Female 
Quartet could beat de Male Quartet all to smifereens? 
Dat's wat dey done gone did. 

Miss Bumps. No sech ting, Moses Highbrow! 
Dat's nuffin' but palaver. 



THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 23 

Miss Hod. Co'se we all know wat's de mattah wif 
Mose. It's his Louisiana he's tinkin' erbout. 

Julius. Haw! haw! Dat's right, Georgianna. 

Miss Bumps. Wat yo' got to say so much, Julius 
Blinkers? Reckon yo'se tinkin' 'bout yo' Georgianna. 
{The pickaninnies' part which follows may he omitted if 
desired. In doing so, omit the six speaking parts co7i- 
nected with it.) 

Mandy. Well, fo' de Ian' sakes! If dem chilluns 
ain't all up a lis'nin' to de singin'. 

Miss Boggs. Co'se dey wants to heah de singin' 
Why shouldn't dey? ' 

Child. Oh, Mammy, can't we sing our song we 
learned fo' de show? 

Mandy. Why de idee! In yo' night gowns? 

Mrs. Jones. Bress yo' little hearts, come right 
erlong an' sing. Who cares fo' de nighties. 

(The children wearing long white night dresses enter 
and sing any pickaninny song. Applause may follow 
with remarks such as, 'Voodr' "Dafs finer' etc.) 

Mandy. Dar now, yo' jes' trot erlong back to bed 
an' not anudder peep twill mornin'. (Exeunt children.) 

Elder. De program is now ober an' befo' we close 
I wants to remin' yo' ob de gran' chicken dinner at 
Mistah Blueblood's nex' Tuesday ebening. 

Several. We won't fo'get. We'll all be dar, etc. 

Mr. Blue. I make de motion dat we offah Mr. 
an' Mrs. Johnson a vote ob tanks fo' de horspitality 
we hab receibed dis ebenin'. 



24 THE COONVILLE 'RISTOCRAT CLUB 

Mr. Bean. I second de motion. 

Elder. Yo'se all heard de motion dat we gib Mr. 
an' Mrs. Johnson a vote ob tanks fo' dere kind hors- 
pitaUty dis ebenin'. All in favor ob dat say ''aye." 

All. Aye! 

Elder. Does yo' heah dat, Brudder Johnson? 

Rastus. Yes, sah, an' we'se mighty proud dat 
yo' all come, an' we hopes yo'll come agin soon, don't 
we, Mandy? 

Mandy. Co'se we does. 

Elder. Dis meetin' is now adjourned an' I hopes 
de young gemman will see dat de young ladies all gets 
home safely. 

Beanpod, Blinkers and Highbrow. We'll see to 
dat all right, Mistah President. 

{The company pairs off as follows: Moses and Louis- 
iana, Mr. Beanpod and Miss. Boggs, Julius and 
Georgianna, Elder Jenkins and Mrs Jones, Mr. 
and Mrs. Blueblood, Rastus and Mandy Johnson. 
(All step to front and sing,) 

Good-night, ladies! Good-night, ladies! 
Good-night, ladies! 
We'se gwine to leab yo' now. 
Merrily we roll erlong, roll erlong, roll erlong, 
Merrily we roll erlong, ober de dark blue sea. 

Curtain 



Note: The publishers of this book will gladly 
suggest songs suitable for use in this play. 



TWO DECIDED NOVELTIES 

FOR PRIMARY GRADES 



The Midgets' Grand Parade 

A delightful pageant of little drills, marches, songs and pantomimes 
for the tiny tots. Introduces Mayor, Selectmen, Band, Firemen, 
Tradespeople, Suffragettes, Etc., of Midget Town, all in characteristic 
costume. Time, 30 min. 25 cents. 



^The Funny Little Food Folks 

A novelty entertainment for children. Requires 5 boys and 4 
girls, or more. Prof. Heideldorfer gives his famous lecture on pure 
foods and the "Funny Little Food Folks" appear^^unexpectedly and 
sing catchy songs. Easy to get up. Time, about 30 min. 25 cents. 



A SPLENDID NEW PLAY 

FOR INTERMEDIATE GRADES 



Closing Day at Beanville School 

By Willis N. Bugbee. For 7 boys and 8 girls (more or less). 
One of the most popular of the grade plays. Just the kind of play 
that teachers and pupils and parents all like. Easy to produce. No 
scenery required. Time, 30 min. 25 cents. 

The Willis N. Bugiiee Co., Syracuse, N. Y. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

016 102 486 7 # 



1 hree oplendid i^ew nays 

FOR OLDER ONES 



The Coonville 'Ristocrat Club 

A negro enlertainmeht in one act by Willis N. Bugbee. For 6 
males and 6 females. Represents a meeting of the 'Ristocrat Club. 
One of the few negro plays that is entirely free from all vulgarity. 
Extremely funny. Suitable for school, church or society. Time, 1 
hour. 25 cents. 



Hiram and the Peddlers 

A farce in one act by Willis N. Bugbee. For 4 males and 2 
females. Hiram agrees to look after the peddlers while his sister 
Jane attends to her baking, and the way he gets taken in is a cau- 
tion. All ends happily however. Pat, the hired man, and Deacon 
Peltingill furnish considerable comedy. Time, 30 min. 25 cents, 



Uncle Si and the Sunbeam Club 

FOR GRAMMAR GRADES 



By Willis N. Bugbee. A play in two acts for grammar grades 
or lower high schools. For 7 males and 7 females. Has given im- 
mense satisfaction wherever presented. Gives opportunity for two 
or three songs, or other specialties. Time, 40 min. 25 cents. 



The Willis N. Bugbee Co., Syracuse, N. Y. 



'\ 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



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016 102 486 7 # 



